Sugar Mamas

In honor of Valentines Day I am reminded of all the lost souls from the nearby homeless shelter that make the short jaunt to the library to make their daily visit to all the not-so reputable dating websites available on the public Internet terminals in an attempt to 'snag a woman'. Never fear, once the object is obtained they will live to return again to seek yet another sugar mama when their illicit affair ends.

It's kind of like crop rotation. They surrender their usual seat to another only to return the next season for a new crop of conquests.

April Showers Bring...

More transients into the library after they get kicked out of the City Mission after lunch.

Not a Morning Person

We have another regular patron who lives across the street and comes to the library bright and early every morning to check out, renew or check in her library materials.  She is so relaxed that she comes over in her fuzzy house slippers and pajama bottoms.  Most of the staff are used to her but the patrons find her voice a little jarring.  You see, she has one of those high, shrill voices.  Patrons ask us all the time to ask her to hold it down but to no avail.  She has only one volume - LOUD!

Aussie Spumante

Most of our regular inebriants are just that, inebriated. There's no fuss, no muss. When they are confronted, they admit their condition and quietly leave the library but there are a select few that once they have been awakened and told to leave will actually stand up and try to engage you in a lively debate over how well they hold their liquor all the while they stand there 'tay ina win' as Nell would say, bleary eyed and boastful.

Farm Fresh

We have this elderly gentleman that likes to come in and check his stock options at the library.  He's very friendly but it's always a totally one-sided conversation.  He'll tell you about his health, his wife, her health, the latest cruise that they went on, etc. but he never asks about you and your life.  But whenever you try to interject something into the conversation he gives you a look like "Why are you interrupting me?"  

Strange Brew

One of my co-workers has an open admirer among the male patronage at the library.  He brings her little gifts, candy, birthday cards, and the like.  One day she and a friend went to the local YWCA to exercise and unwind after a hard day at the Ref Desk.  They finished their workout and decided to go soak their weary bones in the hot tub.  She climbs in, closes her eyes and hears someone utter her name.  She opens her eyes, looks over and there he is sitting right beside her in the hot tub.  Ewww!  Can you say stalker?

Pick A Card

We once caught a fortune teller who set up shop in our local history room reading tarot cards.  She couldn't understand why she wasn't allowed to peddle her wares in the nice, quiet, and secluded local history room so she came back the next day and set up shop near the circulation desk.

Beauty Salon

"Miss Life" used to come in a lot and monopolize our public restroom and telephone.  We caught her several times sitting on the floor eating her cereal and a few times she had cut her hair and clogged the toilet with her trimmings. She finally got some housing assistance and moved out of the public park so now she calls us occasionally for phone numbers and general reference questions.  

Laundry Room

Caught one of our regular visitors "Miss Life" drying her socks on the radiator after washing her laundry in our public restroom.  She had them all nice and sorted by color lined up along the heat register back in the corner of the library.  I told her that she could not use our restrooms for a laundromat and she needed to put those things away and she replied "But they're not dry yet."

Nazi Guy

The Hitler enthusiast was back in again today only this time he was a little on the rowdy side so he was asked to leave the library by our security guard.  He didn't manage to go far.  He just moved his conversation out to the sidewalk.  Unfortunately for him someone didn't like what he was saying so they called 911 and asked for him to be removed.

Late Night TV

We have the sweetest guy who comes in periodically to find celebrity addresses.  He likes to write to celebrities to collect their photos and autographs but sometimes the people that he's trying to track down are so obscure we often have trouble finding contact agencies or fan sites that are still being maintained.  He loves the SyFy channel and all the weird late night kitsch shows from the '70s and '80s.  I mean who else remembers the actress Robey from the old tv show Friday the 13th?  Thank heavens for IMDb.

Heroine Chic

I once had a patron follow me around the library pestering me with personal questions like "What's your favorite kind of car?" and "Where in the world would you most like to live?"  I found these questions rather bothersome but the patron assured me that he was on the level.  He said that he admired me and wanted to use me as the basis for his heroine in the detective novel that he was writing. I must admit that line was a new one on me. 

Lotto Fever

Some people are just plain gullible and unfortunately they tend to frequent my library.  A few years ago this older woman came to the Ref Desk practically in tears asking to send an international fax.  She was trying to claim her winnings in a Spanish lottery.  She said that she had already paid $5,000 to get the paperwork in order but she still hadn't received her deposit in her bank account. My heart went out to this lady who had obviously been scammed.