Doctor's Rx

The 'Doctor' came up to the Ref Desk to complain about the bathroom key chain.  Yes, the key chain.  He didn't like the fact that the key chain was made of wood.  It is porous material you see and he's concerned about the spread of germs.  While I'm more concerned about the fact that the key chain went from a simple block of wood with the word Men's on it to a an 16" plank of wood to prevent men from sticking it in their back pocket and walking out the door with it.  


We once had a nearby business call to tell us that someone had taken our bathroom key and left it at their establishment.  You want to know how they knew it was ours?  I had to put stickers on them that said "Please return to 2nd Floor Reference Desk" because it had a bad habit of growing feet and walking out the door.

Time to Celebrate

I had a 'Doctor' and 'Headbanger' free day yesterday.  Good times!

Prince Dread

"The Doctor" was back in the library today with his earphones blaring static. Yes, s-t-a-t-i-c.  No discernible music was emanating from his head only loud, scratchy, static.  We told him several times to turn it down but he is being obstinate as always. 

Impossible Dream

"The Doctor" has a tendency to call us with the most impossible reference requests. He loves to listen to NPR early in the wee hours of the morning but he never remembers the full content of what he was listening to.  He will ask us to find the name of book that was featured on a program at 2 am on some talk show but he can't remember the name of the show, the author, or the title.  All he remembers is the subject and its always some bizarre right-wing conspiracy theory or some way out there medical discovery.

Knock Wood

Haven't seen the 'Doctor' in the library for a while.  Maybe the early spring temps are keeping him outside and pestering other people during the daylight hours. One can only hope our good fortune continues to last.

Counting My Blessings

Haven't seen "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named" in the library for a while.  Thank goodness.  Just don't have the strength to deal with him today.  It's Monday after all.

He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

Shhh...  We have our very own Lord Voldemort.  A certain obnoxious, tiresome and down-right troublesome patron is known to suddenly appear in the library the moment his name is said out loud.

Dedication

You know that you have a dedicated patron and book lover when the library is literally on fire and the "Doctor" is pushing past the working firemen trying to get into the burning building yelling "I've got to pick up my holds!"

A.D.A. Compliant

The "Doctor" came charging up to the Ref Desk all aflutter because he was upset by the number of toilet paper dispensers in the men's restroom.  Apparently there are not one, not two, but three toilet paper roll dispensers lining the wall in the men's room. His concern lies in the fact that two of the three are on the left side of the wall and not the right.  He feels that this is discriminatory against right-handed people.  He also wondered if the positioning of the dispensers at a low height had something to do with complying with A.D.A. standards.  He thought that one dispenser should be raised higher for those standing as opposed to those sitting on the loo.

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One of my most memorable encounters with the 'Doctor' occurred late one evening not so long ago. It had been a relatively quiet and uneventful shift at the Ref Desk when all of a sudden I heard this pounding noise. I looked over and the Doc was slamming the mouse down on the table and shaking the monitor of his computer. I asked what was wrong and he said that the print preview function wasn't loading quick enough and it was wasting his session minutes. I tried explaining that the size of a .pdf file often determines how long something takes to download but he wouldn't hear of it. When I asked him to please stop abusing the equipment, he starts yelling at me across the room "You're computer is constipated! It needs an enema!"

The "Doctor" Is In

Oh crap! Here comes my 'favorite' patron. He calls himself the "Doctor".  A doctor of what I'm not exactly sure. Since I've worked here I've never known the man to have an active occupation.  He's an authority on everything except how to use a computer so he makes our lives a living hell with his insistence on being catered to whenever he uses the public Internet terminals. His routine is the same... he comes bounding up the stairs with his classical music blaring out of his ear buds and stakes out his favorite computer terminal. He tosses down his bicycle helmet and knapsack, then crosses the room to the free box of newspaper comics and grabs a select page and then proceeds to spread it out over the chair so that his bum doesn't come into contact with any potential library cooties.